Scandal with a Candle: Exploring Wax Play at the Bathhouse
‘Vanilla Virgin’…
“What are you into? Have any kinks? Are you up for BDSM, WS, FF, or PP?”
If you have ever received some version of these questions in-person or on a social app and didn’t know how to respond, then there’s a solid chance you are vanilla. There are so many ways that a person’s sexuality can be labeled like: vanilla, virgin, abstinent vs. chaste, active, or kinky. Vanilla is super subjective, but basically means someone who prefers not to engage in sexual or intimate activities they consider outside the stereotypical norm or that push the boundaries of their comfort zone. One person’s scandalous Saturday kinky adventure could be another person’s very vanilla Tuesday tradition. Think of ‘Vanilla Virgin’ as the default sexuality that people generally start out with—a blank sexual slate. Some people might adventure through all the in’s and out’s and ooh’s and ahh’s of sex and intimacy, but still decide that vanilla is their favorite flavor. There is nothing wrong with being vanilla. Unfortunately, it can be challenging for vanilla people who are curious about experimenting to find safe spaces or trustworthy partners to explore kinks and fetishes with. That’s why this article series shares the perspectives of two gender non-conforming or queer, kinky individuals who were interviewed for their innovative approach to to evolving the modern role of bathhouses. Read on to learn more about Queer Intentions, an all-genders inclusive event every other month, providing safe and supportive kink exploration at the Kuma Club Las Vegas LGBTQIA+ bathhouse.
Queer Intentions…
Queer Intentions started in the beginning of June, 2021 and will have its one-year anniversary on June 5th, 2022! The Queer Intentions event organizing collective convenes twice monthly to expand on how they are able to reach a more inclusive audience at bathhouses. They consistently seek feedback from event attendees, conduct safety check observations, and thoughtfully crafted a unique set of safety rules designed by and for a gaggle of all-gendered queers. This culminated in a bi-monthly event that is for the total extent of the LGBTQIA+ spectrum. Total transparency is one of the key components of this programming, as any and all questions will be answered at a Queer Intentions event. Before any kink demonstration starts, full disclosure is given to all attendees, limits are discussed, a simple safe word or firm “NO” is established as a rule that will stop any kink-related activity. Vanilla people who are new to exploring kinks often feel uncomfortable and deterred from trying, because they do not feel empowered or even know how to start setting rules and boundaries. Queer Intentions is a place for folx to find that voice and test it out. The House Monitors wear a blue glow-in-the-dark wristband, indicating that attendees can go to them as event organizers for help forming negotiation, agreeing on scenes, confirming their limitations on play, or reporting safety concerns with other participants. The Queer Intentions events have offered the Las Vegas community a safe space to explore a wide variety of kinks under the guidance of expert practitioners, such as puppy play, impact play, rope play, electric play, fire play, and the topic of today’s article—wax play!
45.6% had a desire to participate in kinky behavior…
Okay, so what are kinks and fetishes? A kink is a sexual activity that is outside the mainstream of what society traditionally considers acceptable. Well, it turns out that there are actually quite a few kinks, because the world we live in can be rather prude. The Kynklopedia offers over 550+ terms and definitions related to kinks (although many of these terms are only kink-related and not actual kinks themselves). With so many kinks out there, you might be surprised to learn that you are less vanilla than you originally thought. A 2016 research study surveyed 1,040 adults in Quebec and found that nearly half (45.6%) had a desire to participate in kinky behavior—and voyeur was the most commonly desired kink experience among men and women. A fetish is a type of kink that typically involves an inanimate object or specific body part. Now that we’ve got the basic vocabulary down, there are some basic ground rules to cover before we get to the fun stuff. (1) Consent - BEFOREHAND, there should be communication that results in the affirmative consent of all involved parties. (2) Safe Words - BEFOREHAND, there should be an agreed upon safe word that means all kink-related activities should stop immediately. (3) Hard Limits - BEFOREHAND, there should be boundaries set to define what you definitely do not want to explore vs. might be open to vs. are certainly interested in. (4) Aftercare - AFTERWARDS, there should be a check-in with your partner(s) to make sure they are okay physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, etc. with the kink-related activities that just occurred. If not, make sure that they get connected with professional assistance or give them space and find someone else able to assist them comfortably.
Goddess Amazonia…
Goddess Amazonia (they/them) is a non-binary, queer, open, anti-imperialist Xicana expert wax player who kindly shared their professional insights on kink at the bathhouse in an interview for this article. Like most people within the LGBTQIA+ community who do not identify as male or are not perceived as male-passing, Goddess Amazonia has had a rocky relationship with traditional gay bathhouses. Because Goddess Amazonia is a gender non-binary person, they have historically been denied access to most traditional gay bathhouses on any given day. They recounted that there were a few times when they received special permissions to attend kink parties, but mostly could only find all-genders inclusive kink parties at swingers clubs or private venues. The concern with these alternative spaces is that they are not specifically tailored toward the LGBTQIA+ community. Although these venues will let transgender or gender non-conforming people pay to get in like everyone else, they might experience a lack of acceptance, general difficulties finding a match, uncomfortable fetishization, or an increased risk of safety concerns. This culture can be very jarring and certainly does not promote safe kink exploration, so Goddess Amazonia and Pup Major Riot did something brilliant to fill the gap!
Pup Major Riot…
Frankie Francesco, (he/him, they/them) is a queer pup who goes by Pup Major Riot. Pup Major Riot is the creator of Therapy Zine, a queer zine that brings together experienced & amateur creators of all talents for growth and self-expression free of judgment. Pup Major Riot also kindly shared their professional insights on kink at the bathhouse in an interview for this article. Pup Major Riot has attended several traditional gay bathhouses in the past, but tended to find their culture uncomfortable, because a lack of consent was generally implied. Due to these concerns, he would usually attend bathhouses with a friend and only depart once they both felt comfortable. Pup Major Riot had a desire to create something queer and safe, so he approached the Kuma Club Las Vegas LGBTQIA+ bathhouse on behalf of Therapy Zine and Body work, with additional community partners such as Goddess Amazonia, to create Queer Intentions.
Wax play…
Queer Intentions’ most recent event was ‘Sensations in Spring,’ focusing on a variety of different forms of sensation play such as electric wands, scented items, and heated items to open up people’s minds to new experiences. The main attraction of the event was the live wax play demonstrations, facilitated by Goddess Amazonia, a seasoned wax player who offers private sessions in their own private practice. Pup Major Riot participated in a wax play demonstration at the event as a wax receiver. Once the initial safety precautions were completed, Goddess Amazonia began to apply wax to Pup Major Riot’s forearm. They would consistently check-in with questions such as, “How does that feel?”, “Is that too hot?”, or “Is that okay?” At one point, Pup Major Riot’s body hair got too hot, so Goddess Amazonia cooled the wax and then adjusted pouring from a different angle with Pup Major Riot’s consent. A medical ointment or salve was readily available in case of emergency, but did not end up needing use. Pup Major Riot reflected on his first experience doing wax play and the ways that the LGBTQIA+ bathhouse enhanced that experience,
“It was my 1st time doing wax play. I enjoyed it and would do it again. I would have tried it if someone offered on a hookup app, but this was an interesting dynamic, because there was friendship. This event helped avoid risks and provide a safe environment.”
Only the event organizer, Goddess Amazonia, was permitted to be the wax pourer, but this expert demonstration taught people how they could safely explore this kink within the comfort of their own homes and with their own partners. It turns out that wax play is pretty popular, because people were lining up to be wax receivers! Several of the Queer Intentions event attendees expressed to Goddess Amazonia that they never would have been able to experience wax play without access to that safe space. Goddess Amazonia reflected on what makes wax play so much fun,
“There is an almost child-like wonder when it comes to wax play, like when we were kids and would dip our fingers in the wax and watch it harden and find so much satisfaction in scraping it off. I find wax to be just as silly as some might find it scary and it's really cool to watch folks explore their limitations.”
The next Queer Intentions event will be ‘Pup Play’ on Sunday, June 5th at the Kuma Club Las Vegas LGBTQIA+ bathhouse, in collaboration with the Las Vegas Puppy Coalition (LVPC). A complete pet take over will commence. Whether you are vanilla, kinky, or somewhere in between and curiously questioning, the hosts of Queer Intentions all hope you can make it to their future events!
Reimagine the role of bathhouses…
So, we can’t help but wonder, why are these venues with ‘bath’ in their name seen by some as ‘dirty?’ This article series will approach various topics about the evolution of modern LGBTQIA+ bathhouses to help readers reimagine the role of bathhouses in today’s society. Some stories may cover the ins and outs of consensual sexual communication etiquette or what to wear and everything to expect. Some articles will offer wholesome deep dives into the cultural benefits of bathhouses, such as their role as research sites for HIV prevention strategies or as safe spaces to explore kinky expressions of sexuality. For the more adventurous readers, stay tuned for riveting first-person perspectives of bathhouse patrons from diverse backgrounds. Through all this, let’s create a cultural shift where LGBTQIA+ bathhouses are seen as clean places to get dirty.
This article was sponsored by Kuma Club Las Vegas.